Robins Nest (UNCUT)

Such was the excitement caused by the latest Issue of Robins Nest (Issue 4) with the in-depth profile of the Hatfield Venue Manager, Mike Hawkes, that this special uncut supplement has had to be produced. Many little Gems of information had to be consigned to the cutting room floor because there was not enough space. Here we can reveal more of Mike's real life.

This is our beloved Venue Manager Mike "We forgot them" Hawkes on a recent holiday. In true Ceroc addict form, he can be seen demonstrating his own version of the "Tea-Pot" on the side of a mountain. This was a well deserved break for both Mike and his partner Rita. So relaxed was Mike, that he even went without the usual attachment to his head that we have all grown to love. Or was it just a windy day and the glue didn't hold ? Luckily Rita was at hand that night with the after sun cream to tend to Mike's burnt head. (Ed - He's getting good at the Bruce Forsyth impressions, isn't he !)

Although Mike is a very active Dancer, this is now taking it's toll. It was a sad sight to see the elder statesman of Hatfield quietly slipping out of the dance hall, at the recent Party Weekend, before the stroke of midnight. We all hope this is just a case of the glue starting to weaken after an energetic night out, but the ravages of time catch us all up. Sadly we can see other evidence that time is marching on. Also at the same weekend, Mike forgot to pack Rita's dresses, leaving her with no clothes to wear. It says much for the love, devotion and general kindness of Rita that she let him get away with the "We forgot them" routine. I suppose he can't help it at his age. I'm told Mike tried to redeem himself by taking her shopping for new clothes. They found some new dresses, but Mike walked out of the shop when they refused to accept the pile of Admit Ones he was trying to pay with. Luckily she was rescued by the loan of some dresses by Gina and Alicia.

Great Leaders come and go. Mike is no exception to this rule as he ably demonstrated recently. On leading about 7 cars to the Pub recently, we were coming and going all over the place. It's not often you get the chance to see 8 cars doing U-turns on the Streets of London in rush hour traffic. Being the perfectionist that Mike is, we had to practice this move at least 3 times ! "Such dedication" some of you may say. "What a prat" and "He's lost the plot" seemed to be the consensus from the rest of us.

All this seems to have changed Mike's outlook on life, as can be seen by the answers he gave to a newcomer when asked to describe some moves (and Rita's comments on overhearing) :

Tea Pot - Takes less effort than sex, and is more enjoyable	He could do with some Pleasure Giving Tips
Pretzel - Cheese 'n' Chive are the best	The nightmares he has !!
Triple Step - the Toilets are that way	We need a downstairs loo
Comb - don't need one anymore	At least the sink doesn't get blocked now
Double Trouble - I've got some cream from the Doctor	I'm buggered if I'm going to rub it in there for him !!!
Yo-Yo - Goes up and down, I think	I'd be so lucky
Basket - I like Scampi	"Basket case" more like
Seducer - Never heard of it	If only !!! (Rita seen shaking her head)
Wurlitzer - No good, they don't play my 78's	I wish he was joking, the sad old git.
Back Hander - OK, in you go before Robin sees.	I'm not with him really.

All donations to the Rita New Dress appeal should be handed to anyone at Hatfield - except Mike.